


It's Only Fair to Tell You, I'm Absolutely Cuckoo

by nomisupernova



Series: DaveKat Music Fics 2018 [15]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Digital Art, Dirk Strider and Dave's Bro Aren't the Same Person, Embedded Images, First Dates, Gentle Kissing, Humanstuck, Ice Cream Parlors, Laser Tag, M/M, POV Dave Strider, Secret Santa, Swearing, Trans Dave Strider, cheek kissing, hand-holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-02 22:38:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16796059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomisupernova/pseuds/nomisupernova
Summary: Your name is DAVE STRIDER and god fuckin’ dammit are you NERVOUS AS SHIT. It’s your first date… maybe. Okay, well you asked the guy to play laser tag with you. And by “the guy”, you really mean Karkat Vantas. Of course. He’s annoying, he’s loud, he’s crabby, but most of all, he’s really fuckin’ cute. Not alone or anything, you’re not so dumb to let your first (maybe) date be when you’re by yourself. You, of course, invited your older brother, Dirk, and his boyfriend, Jake, along with you.An ice cream/laser tag first date fic written for the 2018 KTS Secret Sufferer.





	It's Only Fair to Tell You, I'm Absolutely Cuckoo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Java_bean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Java_bean/gifts).



> This fic takes its title from the song _Absolutely Cuckoo_ by The Magnetic Fields, which you can listen to [here.](https://open.spotify.com/track/18PAtUJK3t419O9ftkUZxN?si=WzXF_EIPREOIODGxE5tbHA) It was shown to me by my lovely friend, Orrin, who I admire dearly~ <>
> 
> Happy Christmas, Destyni! It was very hard not to tell you about this fic while I was working on it, I hope you know~
> 
> This fic also has a playlist which you can listen to [here.](https://open.spotify.com/user/nomisupernova/playlist/2EBsQtLkjvVSUDCc260c2l?si=PMX3AowGTey6URcF3OKbjA)

Your name is DAVE STRIDER and god fuckin’ dammit are you NERVOUS AS SHIT.

It’s your first date… maybe. Okay, well you asked the guy to play laser tag with you. And by “the guy”, you really mean Karkat Vantas. Of course. He’s annoying, he’s loud, he’s crabby, but most of all, he’s really fuckin’  _ cute _ . Not alone or anything, you’re not so dumb to let your first (maybe) date be when you’re by yourself. You, of course, invited your older brother, Dirk, and his boyfriend, Jake, along with you. But when you finally got to the warehouse itself, Dirk pulled you aside, arm around your shoulder. He whispered to you, in that soft, knowing, brotherly-tone that he always takes when he’s giving you life advice. “I know what you’re up to and don’t even worry about it, I got this.”

“Was this REALLY the best team you could give me?” Karkat complains, rolling his eyes dramatically. He’s not so sublty waving his hand over at Jake. Clearly, he’s displeased with his teammate. But you’re sure Dirk will set the record straight.

“You’ll be fine, Jake’s a good shot.” Dirk shrugs. Honestly, you wouldn’t blame him if he took small offence to the statement that Jake is a bad shot. Even if it wasn’t outright  _ said, _ Karkat implied it enough. Little does Karkat know though, Jake is a really fucking great shot. Ten years of gun and weapons training with your family for hunting purposes tend to do just the trick.

Jake swings back around, nearly jumping on the balls of his feet. He holds his laser gun in a dramatic pose, looking down the barrel of it at Karkat. “Oh, my dear Karkat. You think I’m a piss poor shot? Hah, absoltuely laughable! What sort of cad do you take me for, my friend?”

“The kind that says some idiotic drivel like that,” he mumbles under his breath, not exactly QUIET but Jake is so oblivious that he doesn’t notice and rambles on anyway.

“Boy shitting howdy I can’t wait to get started!!”

“Chillax, Jake, we haven’t even been waiting for ten minutes yet. And while you’re at it, cool it with the potty mouth. There’s kids around.” Dirk tilts his head to the left, “You really want to be the reason there are five year olds running around saying ‘shit’ left and right? I don’t wanna be the one that has to explain to someone’s parents that my boyfriend’s yap is the reason they have to scold their kids.”

Jake claps his hand over his mouth and looks bashful, “Sorry…”

“It’s cool, dude,” you pipe up from where you’re standing, “we just gotta swear extra quiet so officer StriDirk over here don’t rat us out to the nearest soccer mom with a licence to kill. Bitches will be so mad that they be runnin’ you over in their brand new Honda Accord’s.” 

“It’s not the moms you gotta worry about, you should be  _ more _ concerned with what  _ I’ll _ do if you don’t behave.” Dirk makes a half-assed attempt at being threatening. (He’s not very good at it but you gotta give him points for trying.)

“Oh man, I’m terrified. I might go to bed without ice cream.” You snicker and see Karkat barely fighting back a smile.

“You’re insufferable.” Karkat’s face cracks into a smile.

“Not  _ that _ insufferable apparently since I got you to come with me.” You catch Dirk’s eyebrows raising over the tops of his glasses. Heat blooms on your cheeks and tickles the tips of your ears. “Uh, I mean…”

“I know what you meant, pervert. Get your dirty mind out of the gutter. I know it’s comfortable living in there with your kinfolk, but really Strider. Have some shame. You’re gonna have to do better than THAT to get anywhere near me in that sense.” Karkat jabs the side of your arm with his gun. 

It doesn’t HURT but you take it as a challenge anyway. “Alright, let's make a bet.”

“Oh boy I wonder who will be paying for the damages of this one.” Dirk adds flatly and you elbow his ribs. “FUCKER.”

“I didn’t do SHIT.” You wiggle away, a playful smile on your face. Your arm creeps around Karkat’s waist, pulling him closer.  _ Homies, just homies. _ For now, at least. “If I get hit five times tonight, you or Jake. Anything goes. I’ll buy you takeout, no strings attached. Anytime you want it, even at two in the morning when you’re crying into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s over the latest romcom. But if me and Dirk hit you five times, I get to take you out for ice cream after we’re all done here.”

“And what is this for, to embarrass me? To make me look stupid in public for hanging out with Dave Strider, the idiot who ate an entire dry erase marker nib for thirty bucks?”

Dirk’s head snaps in your direction, “You did  _ what.” _

“HEY, it was thirty bucks! I’m not gonna say NO to free money!”

“You could’ve gotten-”

“But I DIDN’T! PLUS I bought my own lunch at school for a week. Didn’t you notice that I wasn’t pesterin’ you for lunch money for that whole week in November, dude? Really, you’re the most unobservant motherfucker I ever did meet.”

Dirk huffs, tapping his foot. A show of annoyance and defeat, “Fine. Fine! Whatever, it’s not like my opinion matters. After all, I’m not your doctor.”

“I’m agreeing to this, but I don’t know why! I guess I’ve finally fucking lost it. I must have to make an idiot deal like this. It’s a deal, Strider. And you better fucking uphold your end or I’ll dump your lunch on your head for a week.” Karkat sticks his hand out and you shake it, a smile threatens to spill onto your face but you keep it cool. “So when do we start anyway?” He rolls his shoulder, stretching the muscles there.

“About one minute, more or less.” You even pull out your phone to check, yeah, it’s 6:29pm. You’re about to start any second now. Before Karkat can open his mouth to complain anymore, the door slides open and the voice over the intercom explains the code of conduct. You don’t really bother listening since you come here with Dirk, Roxy, Jade, and Jake all the time. Dirk knows it by heart now, that is, if his voice mocking the pre-recorded message is anything to go by.

“Please no kicking, shoving, biting, or other kinds of rough play allowed,” he mimics the announcer in an extremely nasally voice, making Jake giggle at him. 

Karkat even cracks a smile too,  _ shit _ his smile is adorable. It’s almost too much for you to handle, but you’re a Strider, dammit. If you can’t handle a cute boy, then what good are you? Keep it chill, Dave. Keep it chill.You almost hope you beat him, he  _ does _ have Jake on his side, but you and Dirk are a pretty fearsome duo yourselves. You’ve picked up a lot of stealth techniques from Jade over the last few sessions you’ve got here and since Dirk is pretty stealthy himself, you think you’ll be fine.

“Ready?” Dirk says, holding his fist up.

“Ready.” You bump yours against his and the horn that announces the start of the game goes off. Before you race off to find a hiding place with Dirk, you see Karkat jump up in surprise before turning to Jake. Jake will probably enjoy being able to teach someone about shooting, so you’re glad that Dirk decided to split the teams up like this. 

Sure, you’d have preferred to be with Karkat, but maybe it’s better off that you’re competing against each other instead. That way you’re not blowing it by paying too much attention to him and then Jake, the oblivious little idiot that he is, blabs about you and embarrasses you. With Dirk on your team, he’ll keep you focused and won’t rat you out for having the most obvious crush in the universe on Karkat.

You follow along behind Dirk and hide behind the usual spot, a tall thick stone pillar, covered in a carpet-like fabric that shines brightly in the blacklight. There’s even some writing on one of the bright yellow circles on it. It’s yours and Dirk’s names, you wrote on here the first time you visited back in 2013. You can’t believe you’re still coming here after all these years. But then again, it can’t be helped. Laser tag is way too fuckin’ fun for your own good. Plus, it’s good exercise for your lungs. Unlike usual, you wore your binder today so instead of running around like normal, you’re sticking to stealth techniques only.

“Alright, lover boy,” Dirk grabs your attention by poking you in the arm with his shotgun. You turn to listen, “Jake is gonna head up and hide in there--” he gestures to a little tree-house like structure across the warehouse-- “all we gotta do is run up there while he’s talking to Karkat and hide in the shadows.”

“Dude, no fuckin’ way.” You shake your hand dismissively, “If we’re doin this shit, we’re doin’ it my way. An’ Karkat’s gonna be pissed as hell if he feels like I beat him too easy. This shit has to go diamond shine perfect. We’re talkin’ Selena Gomez amounts of perfect, yo.”

You watch Dirk bite at his lip before tilting his head back a little, “You really thought this whole thing through, didn’t you?”

Your face heats in embarrassment, “Maybe.”

“Hah, that’s cute.” His face splits into a grin and it takes all of your resolve not to smack him in the head. “Alright, I’ll follow you then. Lead the way, you wise and obviously-more-competent-than-your-cooler-brother Strider.”

You roll your eyes behind your glasses and reach over to flick his cheek. He makes a dramatic noise of fake suffering and you walk ahead, he follows as he said he would. Stupid idiot brothers and their stupid idiot faces. You just wanna slap him for being such a turd sometimes, but at least he’s not as insufferable as your sister, Rose.  _ Rose _ would rat you out instantly and Roxy would blab right to Jake would would blab to Karkat. So you  _ guess _ you’re best off with Dirk, in the end.

You lead Dirk around to the staircase that’s directly across from the treehouse, it’s far enough away that Karkat won’t be able to see you if you stay in the left-most corner. It’s just in the blindspot of the tower, so he’ll be totally oblivious as long as you stay against the wall. The music pulses loudly through the room and you close your eyes and listen for Karkat’s impatient footsteps. Before long, here he comes, with Jake’s loud and triumphant sounding voice, it’s not hard to listen for the sounds of them walking up the spiral stairs to the treehouse.

“Be sure and keep your specks peeled for those Strider boys, they’re a stealthy bunch. Especially Dirk! He’s learned a thing or two from me about being quiet as a mouse in an open room.” Jake laughs and you can practically hear Dirk’s eyes go wide in horror behind his sunglasses.

“Fucking--”

You laugh, not bothering to look Dirk in the eyes. You believe you’ve earned the chance to pick on him back well enough by now. So you absolutely seize your chance, you’re not a fucking idiot after all. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“...I- I just…” The sound of his hands covering his glasses, “Shut the fuck up.”

“Hey, I didn’t say anything, Jake did.” You elbow him in the side. “Be quiet or they’re gonna hear us. I’m sure you’re good at that, huh, Dirk?” 

He practically shoves you over but you balance yourself again and go back to listening to their chatter over the chiptune-y beats of the music. You’ll have to grab some samples of this kind of stuff. You’re beginning to love the sound of it more and more each time you come here.

“First off, I don’t fucking have glasses. So I don’t have any “specks” to keep peeled. Second, what do we even do next? Do we just sit here like a bunch of fucking idiot ducks in a bullshit pond?” Karkat asks and you open your eyes and peer around the railing to watch him. He gestures toward the area in which you’re currently hiding, “It’s not like we’ll see them coming, for all we know, they’re hiding right in our blindspot.”

“Oh don’t you worry about that, my friend! I might not seem at first that I fit the bill, but you’ll find that I speak better with my shot than my lips.” Jake reassures him, “After all, we’re on the same team. The elder Strider may be my boyfriend, but I don’t hold back for anything, I’ll have you know! And you’d best not do the same!”

“Dave isn’t…” Karkat’s arm reaches up to rub at the muscles on his neck, “Well… I mean…”

“S’alright, Kar, I can call you that, can’t I?” Jake asks and Karkat nods, unsure but willing to go along with just about anything at this point. “Kar, I’m pretty good at reading people and your crush on Dave is not only adorable, but completely obvious to everyone around you.”

“I don’t--!” Karkat starts to complain but Jake hushes him before he can go off in a full blown rant. 

“Just a tick, do you see a little blond head over there or is that just me?” Jake’s eyes land on you and you gasp, pressing your back against the wall. Dirk hisses at you and you sit perfectly still, waiting for Karkat to look over at you.

“No, I don’t see shit.” Karkat’s voice is a lot louder than he probably means for it to be, but it can’t be helped. You are sure that he popped out the womb screaming and he’ll scream ‘til he’s sleepin’ in his grave. And even then, when the lid is closed and the dirt is tamped down to a solid mass, people will press their ears to the earth and hear a constant stream of “FUCK YOU” spillin’ out from between those mummified lips for all eternity. 

Jake sounds unsure, though. “Are you certain? Maybe we should go check.”

You look over at Dirk, who is lifting up his pistol and gesturing that you head over to him. You put up your hand, an unspoken “Just give it a minute” and listen some more.

“We’ll be even fucking worse than sitting ducks, we’ll just be the stupid idiot duck that flapped its ugly shitty wings right in front of the hunter. Do you want to be a goose dinner, Jake?”

“Geese and ducks are different, Kar.”

“YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT! I’M NOT GOING OUT THERE JUST TO LOSE TO DAVE SO EASILY. IF HE WANTS ME, HE HAS TO COME AND GET ME HIMSELF!” 

Blush spreads across your face and your heart gives a hopeful th-thump in your chest. Karkat wants you to… no no no, he’s just… but he didn’t--

“Not now.” Dirk says, and it makes your head snap up to look at him, “Panic later, pay attention. I’ll rush out and aim for Karkat. I’ll shoot three times, you go get the last two. Okay, Dave?”

You nod, “Okay… I- Alright, I will.” 

Thank the gods for Dirk.

* * *

Dirk charges out, shotgun ready and you watch him as he stealthily moves around the pillars. He heads down the stairs and sits at the base of the treehouse. It’s directly inside of their blindspot so they don’t see him as they head down the stairs to scope out the situation. 

It happens almost in slow-motion but you watch Dirk slide out, aiming his shotgun right for Karkat and hits him three times, each making a loud pinging noise tick over the music. Jake yelps in surprise and promptly guns him down, five bullets right to the chest. But not before Dirk manages to get a hit in on him as well.

“Player three, five shots, you’re out! Player one, zero shots, you’re still in the game. Player two, three shots, you’re still in the game. Player four, one shot, you’re still in the game.” The announcer reads and Dirk sits off to the side, back against the wall. He pulls off his vest and gun, setting them by his side.

You watch as Jake reaches down and shakes his hand. Jake is always a good sport, even when he loses. It just so happens that he’s the winner this time though. “Good game, Strider.”

“Good game, Jake.” Dirk smiles genuinely, a rare sight indeed, but a welcome one nonetheless. “I even hit you once, you’re losing your touch, English.”

“And you, my peach, are getting bold.”

“Get a fucking room!” Karkat shakes his head, “Dave is still out there, keep your fucking focus.”

“Right, sorry about that.” Jake stands up straighter, looking around. He cups his hand around his mouth, “Dave, where have you run off to?”

“Yeah right, like he’s gonna fucking answer you. You really think he’ll give himself away so easily?” Karkat hisses at Jake.

“Yo Dave, Marco!” Dirk chants with fake enthusiasm. 

“Polo.” You answer flatly and Jake’s eyebrows raise. You snicker at his shock and subsequent dismay. Jake is so fun to mess with, it should be illegal.

“Stairs.” Karkat says, pocketing his pistol. “I got him.”

“I wouldn’t if I were you, Karkat. You’ve already got three hits in from me.” Dirk adds, causing Karkat to turn and give him what you can only assume is the evil eye.

“Fuck off. He’s mine.” Karkat hisses.

“Strong words, you’d best put your money where your mouth is then.” He answers smugly, making Karkat play right into his trap.

He stomps up the stairs and heads right first, to where Dirk was hiding. You ready your pistol and start walking over toward him, shot ready. You’re nearly right behind him when you consider reaching around and wrapping your arms around his torso. No no no, that’s… no. You can’t. It would be funny for all of two seconds, but then it would be different. The air, too charged. You need to just be yourself.

“Hey.” You deadpan, lifting your pistol up and firing at him once. The ping goes over the loudspeakers and Karkat turns around, hands in the air, laughing. 

“UGH, you ass!” He says between laughter and it makes your face split into a grin as you shoot him one last time. 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/153072884@N03/45350631804/in/dateposted-public/)

“Player two, five shots, you’re out!” The announcer reads aloud. “Player one, zero shots, you’re still in the game. Player four, one shot, you’re still in the game.”

“Not for long, you little mole!” Jake lifts his gun and fires at you. You honestly don’t even bother to fight him. You’ve already revealed yourself so you might as well pay for your hubris. One ping, two, three… four… five. Aaaaand--

“Player one, five shots, you’re out! Player four, one shot. Players four and two, you win!” The music fades out and plays an annoying victory anthem that you’re sure is ripped right out of Final Fantasy.

“Good uh…”

“Good game, Strider. That ice cream better be fucking delicious.” Karkat reaches out, you expect him to shake your hand but he instead pats your shoulder and pulls you in for a hug. “I cannot fucking  _ believe _ you got me.”

“Hey, you’re the one who walked up the stairs with your gun  _ in your pocket,  _ yo.” You shrug, it really was a dumb move. “Did Jake teach you nothing?”

“He just blabbed on and on about teamwork and sent me on my way to the fucking slaughterhouse! I mean… I guess he ended up beating you, but still!!! Next time, I want  _ you _ on my side.” Karkat lets go of his embrace and your skin already feels lonely without his touch. “That way I can have a teammate who actually  _ wants _ me to win, deal?”

“Deal. Now let's get that fuckin’ ice cream. I’ve been wantin’ that shit since we popped in here.” You laugh and walk over to Dirk. Hey, at least this wasn’t a  _ total _ shitshow.

* * *

You ride in the backseat with Karkat on the way to the ice cream parlor, sharing a set of headphones. He’s a lot calmer now than he was when you were first driving to the laser tag arena. Last time, he wanted to sit in the back with Jake. But this time, he told Jake to sit in the front and invited you to sit with him. It makes your heart flutter in your chest somethin’ fierce but you keep it cool. Well… as cool as you can.

Your headphones are shorter than you’d like but the plus side is that Karkat has to sit closer to you to listen along. His thigh is pressed against yours and he has to keep his hands folded into his lap to keep from touching you. But as you’re spacing out, watching the road go by, your hand gets warm and you feel fingers lace around yours. You nearly leap into the air and whip your head around to see who the  _ fuck _ is touching you when you see it’s Karkat.

Karkat is holding your hand.

_ Do not panic, do not say anything weird. Shut up. _

“Your hands are warm…” Karkat whispers softly to you, blush dusting across the bridge of his nose. Fuck fuck fuck  _ fuck. _

“Yeah, I-I…” You nearly swallow your tongue trying to talk to him. But instead of trying to  _ keep _ talking, you know like an idiot would do, you opt to just shut the fuck up and nod. Dirk angles the rearview mirror just so and winks at you, knowing exactly what’s going on. “Eyes on the road, dude. You don’t wanna kill us,” you tell him and he straightens up, looking forward.

“We’re here anyway. But damn, you’re right, it would be a shame if I slammed us into the side of the building, ruining  _ all _ of the ice cream inside.” Dirk laughs.

Jake gives him a playful punch in the arm as the car parks, “Oh stop it, you’re such a birdbrain sometimes.”

“Hmm, nah, I gotta disagree with you on that. Cuz I’m pretty sure the only birdbrain here right now would be Dave. What with his weird obsession with crows.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault that they’re cool!” You complain and slide to get out of the driver’s side door. Karkat’s fingers tighten around yours one last time and he pulls the earbud out, letting it drop. He doesn’t speak but he smiles gently at you before opening the passenger-side back door. He leaps out and walks ahead with Jake.

You follow suit, closing the door and walk in with Dirk. He doesn’t say anything either but he does pat your shoulder twice before opening the door and holding it for you. You nod to him, a silent thank you and go up to the counter, where Jake and Karkat are waiting.

“So Karkat, what’ll you have?” Jake asks, turning his head to eye him curiously.

“I guess licorice,” he picks at the hem of his shirt, like he’s embarrassed. You’re about to call him out on it when Dirk breaks into a soft laugh of disbelief.

“I can’t believe you  _ both _ like that nasty shit.” 

“Hey, it’s good. Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it.” You defend your favorite flavour with your life, it’s the good shit and you won’t have nobody dissing your baby. “Besides, like you’re any better with that nasty pizza shit you always order. Fuckin’ miss me with that shit. That’s so hella nasty. But hey Dirk, don’t be shy. We all know it’s because you be wantin’ to take a trip to garlic pizza town with Jake and his addiction to that vomit-inducing shit he eats.”

Jake cuts in, “Garlic ice cream is--”

“About the most ungracious and grotesque bullshit that ever graced your fine lips? Hell fuckin’ yeah it is, homie. And if you ever offer me that shit and tell me you swear it’s vanilla white chocolate again, I’ll beat you over the head with my sword.” You snipe back, keeping your wordy river a-flowin’ like the dreams of the poor.

“Why wouldn’t you just stab him with it?” Dirk asks, raising an eyebrow at your logic.

“Uh, cuz he’ll be dead?” You reason, “If he’s dead, I ain’t gonna be able to diss his flavour flow.”

Karkat laughs a small chuckle, he even snorts. It’s kinda cute, if you’re being honest. “Flavour flow? What the fuck does that mean? Care to share that little oh so  _ intelligent _ tidbit with the class, Strider?”

“It’s when you eat tons of nasty shit and you make a wack habit out of it. Really, that shit should be illegal in at LEAST six countries, including this one.” You put an arm around Karkat, leaning back dramatically. “You’ll see, Chairman Karkat--” He interrupts to sputter but you keep going, “--see, when  _ I’m  _ finally president of this bitch, I’ll be like Obama, bless his soul.”

“He’s not de--”

“Imma run this bitch with the smooth gracefulness of a ballerina on a rubber floor just fuckin’ mad with lube. Now I know what you’re thinking-- “But Dave, they would surely slip and break their ankle!”-- and you’re correct, my hella homie from another mother. But if this theoretical ballerina was really so good at their job, wouldn’t they be able to Grand Jete on this close cousin of the full body condom and be able to land on their feet, like a cat out of a ten story window? If they can, then consider me the lead of the Nutcracker Suite dance.”

Everyone is quiet for a moment, you think they’re just admiring your poetical prowess. That or they think you’re so stupid that they can’t even conjure up a way to tell you without hurting your feelings. Just when you think you’re about to implode from the quiet in the room, Karkat starts clapping slowly, a large smile on his face.

“Wow, well done, Strider. You just said what might be the smartest dumb bullshit I’ve ever heard since I’ve had the absolute displeasure of meeting you. Congratulations, you’ve made me simultaneously respect and despise you. You’ve shown me an entirely new emotion, previously unknown to man. I can only clap slowly, like an idiot seal in slow motion. Well. Fucking. Done.”

“Are you two done blabbering your heads off like the tiny little hooligans you are or are you going to eat the ice cream Dirk has already paid for? Because if not, I’m sure that I will love the taste.” Jake steps forward, holding out two bowls of the lavender coloured, absolutely delicious frozen ambrosia.

You take yours and pick up the little spoon that they always jam into the top scoop of the ice cream. You’re about to get ready to jam it into your mouth like a hungry baby in his highchair before you realize it’s probably really rude to do that shit in front of Karkat. “Oh hey, wanna sit with me in the booth?” You ask him and gesture over to the few chairs and booths that they have in here.

“Like, next to you or across from you?” He asks after he takes his bowl from Jake, who he thanks quickly before turning to face you. “So you can do what, keep blabbing my head off or something?”

“Hey don’t  _ you _ do the same shit to me?” You gesture with your spoon and walk over to the booth. You slide into your seat against the east side of the building, so the sun isn’t in your face. (And also kind of because you want your right hand to be free so Karkat can hold it more, if he  _ wants _ to, that is.) Sticking your spoon back into the ice cream, you reach down and pat the empty spot on your bench. “Take a seat, Pete.”

“My name’s not--  _ ugh, _ fine.” He rolls his eyes, but your eyes are keen enough to notice his smile. If you were paying any less attention, you might miss the blush on his cheeks. But you’re not, so you  _ do _ notice it. 

You start to dig in and sure enough, you feel his knuckles brush up against yours. You flush again and pay Dirk no mind as he slides into the bench across from you. He pulls out his phone and starts tapping away at it with his left hand, completely ignoring his ice cream. Jake seems to notice this since he glances over at Dirk. “Roxy?” he asks, Dirk nods in return.

Karkat takes one cautious bite of his ice cream before his eyebrows raise. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say his face looks like this a lot. Granted, this is your first time seeing him outside of school for this long. “This is really good…” he mumbles to you.

“I thought you said it was your favorite?” You rub your thumb across his knuckles and his fingers tighten around yours again.

“It is. I just… have never had it from here before. I wasn’t expecting much, honestly.” He laughs at the end, “So I’m glad it’s good, I’d hate to make your…”

“Brother.” You fill in. Sure, Dirk is  _ technically _ your legal guardian, but he’s still your brother. It’s not your fault your dad is so… whatever.

“Your brother, I don’t want him to waste his money.” Karkat finishes and you roll your eyes.

“Please, Dirk blows money like tissues and he’s a little thin kid with a cold.”

“Gross.” Karkat sticks his tongue out, “Did not need that visual. Especially not while I’m fucking eating, Dave. You really need to fucking learn when to stop.” His hand squeezes yours and you nearly yelp. 

“Ah,  _ fuck, _ okay okay, mercy!” You laugh, “Stop assaulting me and eat your ice cream.”

“Can y’all chill for five seconds? I bring you on this little date and you both blab your heads off, arguing with each other.” Dirk gestures with his hand, “And you think I’m so dumb that I don’t notice you stealth-holding hands under there? Please.” You pull away, embarrassed of being caught. But Karkat’s hand squeezes down on yours, he does  _ not _ want you to stop holding his hand. You flush again and decide to cool down the heat fogging your brain up with ice cream. 

* * *

By the end of the “ice cream date”, Karkat’s head is leaned on your shoulder and he’s whispering softly to you while he speaks. It’s really fucking soothing and luckily, you get to hear it again, as much as you want. Because the next thing he says is, “Give me your phone number.”

“What.” Your eyebrows kiss your hairline and your heart leaps in your chest.

“I want to hang out again, fucking obviously. And like… talk to you, I guess.” He’s blushing so fucking much, it’s really goddamn cute. “Just-- give me your phone so I can put my number in it, idiot.”

“I’m gonna go start the car,” Dirk announces, standing up. He tugs Jake along with his other hand and they deposit their empty ice cream bowls into the garbage can. You listen for the jingle of the doorbell and reach into your pocket, pulling your phone out for Karkat. He hands you his and you key in your phone number. He nods a thank you and hands you yours back.

“So… is this-- are we…?” You start, not really knowing where you’re going with this.

“Is this a date?” He asks, a  _ lot _ bolder than you are, really. “Yeah, I think so? It feels like one. Anyway, whatever. I don’t think we’re…”

“Boyfriends?”

“No, not yet. Maybe two more dates and we’ll see. Don’t get your fucking hopes up. You’re kind of an idiot, but at least you’re a cute one.” He flicks your nose and his eyes soften. “I don’t kiss on the first date.”

“Aww, really? Man, I was  _ so _ hoping that I’d get to show you my super awesome moves, Kar. You don’t even  _ know _ dude. And now you’ll never know because you won’t kiss me on the first date. What if I get hit by a meteor tomorrow? What if we all play a video game that ends the world, and we die, never knowing what it’s like when your lips meet mine? The world might implode if we do--”

“Oh my god!” He slaps his hand over your mouth, “Do you ever shut up!?” You shake your head and smile, you’re sure he can feel it under his palm. “Fine, I can… break tradition, I guess.” 

“Ah, I was just messin’ with you Karkat, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” You smile sincerely at him. You don’t want him to feel pressured to kiss you if he really doesn’t want to. You’re not an asshole like that.

“...You mean that?” His voice is small but you can tell he’s being just as sincere as you.

“I do. You really don’t have to.” Your hand finds his and you take a deep breath, a feat which is not exactly very easy in your binder. “Whatever you’re comfortable with is just fine with me.” He leans forward and you’re thankful you already took a breath because you’re surely holding it now. His lips press against your cheek.

“There.” He pulls back. “Now let’s get going, I hope you have unlimited data because I never shut the fuck up.”

You’re still a little starstruck but you follow.  _ Man, _ this… Karkat… he has no idea that you’re already really in love with him so you really don’t mind it at all. You’re absolutely cuckoo for him, you have been for a while now. “Don’t even worry about it, I’m just as chatty as you, dude.”

Well… it didn’t go badly. 

At least that’s what you tell yourself when you’re in bed texting Karkat later. You think about calling him but you decide not to. You don’t wanna look desperate (even though you  _ really _ are, Karkat’s voice is kinda nice.) Pulling the blankets over your head, you settle in for the night and close your eyes. But before you can, your phone buzzes on your nightstand. You reach over to check it and it’s Karkat’s number. He’s calling you.

You pick it up, “Hey.”

“Hey.” His voice is soft and slightly raspy, like he’s half-asleep.

“... Did you… need somethin’ K.K.?”

“Yeah I… just wanted to say goodnight.” He whispers to you, “Good night Dave.”

You smile, pulling the phone a little closer to your face. “Good night Karkat.” And with that, he hangs up the phone. You set your own back down and fall asleep, dreaming of Karkat hanging out with you, memories replaying like a film reel. 

You’re glad it went well.


End file.
